We endorse what we tolerate.
When you complain about another person’s behavior (or your own) and it becomes a recurring message over time, pay attention. Clearly, it can’t be too bad or you would do something about it.
- Asked the person about what’s occurring to learn more and shift your worldview about it?
- Interrupted the behavior(s) and requested/suggested alternatives to practice?
- Communicated directly with the person what is working and what isn’t about their behavior (or listed it for yourself on a sheet of paper)
- Made specific requests about what would work more effectively?
- Discussed the pros and cons of continuing the behavior(s) along with predictable outcome(s)?
- Done all of the above with no results? If so, it may be time to evaluate the relationship and make choices.
If you can’t change things, or won’t leave the person, you must learn to live with it and stop complaining. Remember, it’s a choice.